Welcome to my blog page! As the photo suggests, grab a cup of coffee (or tea or whatever choice beverage you prefer) and join me in my little online home. I’m glad you are here! 

Today, I don’t have any book updates that make for an interesting narrative. I’ve been poking around in Collided BOOK THREE and in Alderic’s love story, but it’s as if that series wants to slumber. I have another separate series that I am editing while that one is taking a little nap. It’s a fantasy romance, and I have BOOK ONE of that series completed. Fun fact: when I started writing a few years ago, this was the very first book I wrote! I am considering poking around in BOOK TWO of it, maybe seeing where it goes. Maybe this book will be the next one to see the light of day? I am finding that my books are just like my kids—I never know what to expect tomorrow. There could be crying, laughing, epic wins, catastrophic disasters... it’s always a mystery. 

Anyway, for this blog that I’ve entitled The Ego, I’d like to start with a quote by Marcus Aurelius:    

“Remember: Matter. How tiny your share of it. Time. How brief and fleeting your allotment of it. Fate. How small a role you play in it.” 

Aside from how downright depressing this quote is, ego is a concept that always makes my eyes roll. Sometimes it makes me think of Sigmund Freud and all his... um... Freudisms? Other times, I associate it with this unanimous demand that we must all lower our noses to the dirt because EGO = BAD so stop being so selfish and self-centered! Gosh! Seriously! Damn! 

Undergoing some personal reflection recently has prompted me to actively spend some time reflecting on the dreaded topic of ego. It’s one that, as hard as I try to be selfless, loving, and kind, I still cannot escape from it. 

Let’s take a sip of our choice beverage as I ask you this question: does ego equate to arrogance? I will argue that ego doesn’t necessary require behavior that is inherently overly self-confident. Rather, ego is placing ourselves at the middle of anything and everything.  

For example, a few days ago, I was living my day, doing my thing, but I found myself thinking in mental spirals about a specific situation and how I wanted something to be a certain way. Part of me thought, well I know best, then when things weren’t going well, I proceeded to feel bad for myself because maybe I didn't know best and that I was going to fail in the end. Maybe I should just give up because my chances of succeeding are slim and, well, there wasn’t any confirmation that things were going to turn around anyway. 

I know, I know. Cringy to read, but don’t we all find ourselves in that place sometimes? And it doesn’t require a boisterous, arrogant, and superior spirit. No, all it requires is a little preoccupation with ourselves. 

Think about it. Who did I think knew best in my situation? Me. But then when things weren’t going well, who was I feeling sorry for? Me. Who did I blame? Me. Who was I concerned about failing or succeeding? Me. Who was the victim? Me. Who was the aggressor? Me. Who was simultaneously the main character, side characters, and script writer? 

Me, me, me... 

I was feeling inadequate and low, yet I was living with ego (Whoa, let’s put that to a catchy beat and make a million...) 

But if we put that sentence to a catchy beat, it probably wouldn’t make it as a big hit. Who wants to stop thinking about themselves? No one. It’s easy for us to think about what we want, whether we pursue that desire from a low place or a high place. 

Of course, there is a line, right? It’s not about seeing that we are degraded into nothing or that our voices are silenced. Selfcare is important, and self-reflection is important. Thus, it’s a bit of a paradox, because I am here on my laptop, writing a blog all about myself and talking about how bad ego is (yes, Mariah, you pompous little poser, you!), yet I need to reflect on myself so that I can grow. So where is the line? 

The line can be determined by asking ourselves what is the center? In other words, do your thoughts and actions ultimately always seem to point back to you, or do they point to something or someone else? While this discussion can quickly become a philosophical debate (i.e.. people who believe individuals are inherently evil, or inherently good, or simply shaped by environmental factors), I want to simplify it for the sake of this blog since I am not writing a book on human nature and morality. I want to reflect simply on thinking about our reoccurring thoughts and actions and where they take us. 

To exemplify this, I’d like to use this blog, or maybe even this single blog post as an example. Gosh, I’d love it if I had a big audience reading it. It would make me feel successful, important, and good, like I had a voice that mattered and had the validation that people want to read what I’m writing, right?  

Nah. 

It’s tempting, but what was the center of that narration? Me. Thus, self-reflection has led me to something greater. Maybe no one except my mom (hi mom!!!) will read this. Maybe I am writing this as a reminder to myself to pivot my focus away from myself because if I stop obsessing over myself, I can change my thinking and realize life isn’t about me.  

This blog isn’t about me. I’m not doing this for the purpose of having lots of readers! Whenever I write, I write for the one person, one soul, who needs a little breath of encouragement (which maybe who ironically is me too. And my mom. Hi mom!!!). That’s all this blog is meant for!  And that’s what life is all about—seeing the bigger picture and seeing beyond ourselves.  

The beauty of life lies where we find our intentions exist only for forming an authentic connection with someone. Whether you are the person saying hello to the gas pump attendant or maybe you are the gas pump attendant, every action, every thought can be turned away from ME and instead be a way to connect the world into a WE. 

As dreaded and unfun it is to think about ego, it’s been freeing and grounding for me. It makes me less concerned with adequacy, success, and perfection. I don’t worry about comparing myself to others and thinking that my life should be different, I should be further along, if only, if only, blah blah blah. No, I become more concerned with staying in my lane, doing what I need to do, all the while sharing a bit of kindness as I go.  

What is it that has been on your mind recently? Is there something that you are holding tightly to, and you know that you need to let it go? Are you in a situation where you need to look beyond yourself and your desires, but you know the journey there will be difficult? 

Let’s take one last sip of our choice beverages and return to Marcus Aurelius’s quote:    

“Remember: Matter. How tiny your share of it. Time. How brief and fleeting your allotment of it. Fate. How small a role you play in it.” 

It’s true, but don’t forget that you do have a share. You have a moment. You have a role. Just that you aren’t the center of it. You are a link in the chain, and without you, the chain will break. But the chain will break if the link on your right or left breaks too. We are all in this together. 

Until next time! 

With love, 

Mariah 

Welcome to my blog page! As the photo suggests, grab a cup of coffee (or tea or whatever choice beverage you prefer) and join me in my little online home as I write and ruminate on various subjects, whether pertaining to personal reflections or something unrelated to myself.   

A quick update: Collided BOOK ONE and Collided BOOK TWO are for FREE on Amazon! FREE! Yes, like F-R-E-E! If you’d like to own the series and not pay a penny, please feel free—oh gosh, Mariah, stop saying free—to tap the books link and check them out! The promotion ends Sunday night at midnight, so have a peek before then. I hope a few more people have the chance to read the books and review them, so I can hear what your thoughts are on the characters, character development, and plotline. I’d love to hear from you! It is endlessly fascinating to me to hear people’s perspectives and interpretations, which is the perfect segway into my topic for this blog... 

Perspectives. Interpretations. Worldviews. These may sound like buzzwords, but within these words resides a whole world of intrigue. I will attempt to write a little blog which provides a tasty morsel of why I love these concepts so much and why they have been on my mind recently. 

Let’s take a sip of our choice beverage as I invite you to look at a few paintings with me. 

Take a look at this first painting: 

It’s an abstract painting I painted a month ago. It blends colors of red, black, gold, and white. What comes to mind when you see this painting? My husband asked if I was painting the fiery flames of hell, while my oldest son thought it didn’t look like anything. I have this painting hanging in my kitchen, and my inspiration was my red Le Creuset pot and white coffee dripper (hehe). Who knew? 

Take a gander at this one: 

This is another abstract painting I painted a couple of months ago. It incorporates greys, golds, white, and black. What does the image look like to you? Is it a tree? Is it a mother embracing her child? Is it a curvy fashion lady? Or is it a bunch of paint splattered onto a canvas with no meaning or context at all? It could be any one of those answers, couldn’t it? 

As our little exercise demonstrates, three people can look at the same single image and see three different images. Why is that? Assumably, different people have different thoughts, experiences, and backgrounds which shape how they interact and interpret the world around them. Fascinating, isn’t it? This phenomenon is called worldview. 

Worldview is a concept I focus on extensively in my school studies. When approaching a concept, a policy, a book, an article, etc.. one preliminary question we are taught to ask ourselves is what worldview is the literature speaking from? What background, experiences, belief systems, biases, values, and lens does the writer draw from? Even literature that is monotone and impersonal has a worldview it draws from. I love to sit down with a text and look in between the lines, determining what the words are explicitly and implicitly stating. Both are equally important for book digestion. However, as in our painting example, worldview isn’t only present when reading books and articles. Worldview encompasses how we interact and engage with our environment.  

I hope this isn’t becoming too laborious for an afternoon tea, but if you would indulge me for a moment, let me ask you this: what happens when worldviews collide? What happens when they clash? 

Well, many things can happen. We disagree, we pretend to agree, we discuss, we debate, we ask questions, or maybe we change the subject, depending upon what the topic is. What is your response? Do you like to engage different worldviews? Are you more comfortable with homogeneity?  

As someone who enjoys the study of politics, I love the former. I love discovering where the clash and collision of ideas occurs and observing how people respond. I think why it becomes uncomfortable—and so quickly polarizing—is because it is a clash of worldviews, which deals closely with our values and beliefs. That is why so much of our political realm suffers from triggers. Because it is so personal. 

There are so many rabbit holes I’d love to walk down with you on this topic, but today I’d like to ponder with you about the moment of collision and the feelings you experience during that moment. Maybe you feel a heightened heartrate, discomfort, anxiety, or maybe you are stronger than most and feel nothing at all. What do you feel? I feel uncomfortable and hesitant, especially when I don’t know how the other person will respond.  

I love this point of discomfort, however. Anyone who has read a fictional book or watched a movie knows that friction is necessary for a good plot line. The moment of pressure is a catalyst for growth and maturity. It is necessary to see the arch of any character’s development. 

As King Solomon once said, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.”1 

As someone who grew up most of her life absolutely terrified of conflicts, disagreements, and tension, I am learning to appreciate the moment of friction. I see it most often with my children, witnessing their disagreements and heated moments, and my children have taught me to be okay with it. They’ve helped me accept that disagreements are normal—healthy, even. I’ve also learned to step back, and most times, something magical happens between my kids—they get upset, talk it through, and they come to resolutions on their own. Moreover, they couldn’t have gotten to a point of resolution unless they had a safe space to disagree, have a moment of friction, and discover what it is like to have different outlooks and to problem solve together. 

It must be said, however, that friction can be ugly. It can be unhelpful, unedifying, and destructive if not handled well. Maybe that is why some of us would rather not think about the clash of worldviews—because we have witnessed too many times how devastating and unhealthy friction can be. It is toxic to the mind, heart, and soul, and we become jaded to the idea that it could ever be a force for good. For our health and sanity, we turn away from it because what other choice do we have? 

How do you handle disagreements and the clashing of worldviews? Do you run toward it? Do you run away from it? How does it make you feel? How do you regulate through it? 

Although easier said than done, I am challenging myself to not be afraid of the discomfort associated with clashing worldviews. May we all find peace in accepting that differences are a part of life. 

Thank you so much for reading and sitting with me during this blog! Until next time! 

With love, 

Mariah 

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1Unless otherwise noted, all biblical passages referenced are in the New International Version (Biblica Inc., 2011) 

Welcome to my blog page! As the photo suggests, grab a cup of coffee (or tea or whatever choice beverage you prefer) and join me in my little online home as I write and ruminate on various subjects, whether pertaining to personal reflections or something unrelated to myself.   

By the way, Happy New Year everyone! Can you believe we are in a new year? We made it, and while I am not the new year’s resolution type, I have so much hope for this next year and so much I am looking forward to. It’s going to be a busy year with writing books, taking college courses, being mom, and undergoing some major life changes that we have planned for this year! Wait one moment, please... let me grab my seat belt... okay, ready! 

A quick update: Collided BOOK TWO is out for pre-order! I will be running a free book promotion on both books, so stay tuned for that! I’ll make a post via Instagram when that promotion is live. I’m very excited to share more of Ariel’s and “Derek’s” love story. I am also anticipating a third book in the series as well, which will dive deeper into their relationship. I have begun writing it; however, I am taking a little break to let that plot line simmer and marinate. Currently, I am working on a little side story to Collided. It will be a full-length novel and can be read as a standalone story, and it is the love story of Mister Aldéric Vernier (you will meet this lovely man in Collided BOOK TWO). This book has been on the stovetop simmering for the past two-ish years, but it refused to be written until about a month ago. I have a little over half of the story written, and I’m excited to finish the rest. The plot will have a crossover with Collided BOOK THREE, so that will be a fun dance to choreograph as we can get two different perspectives on the same timeline from the viewpoints of different characters. So, looking over this year at a glance, I’m hoping to release a few books: Collided BOOK TWO, the story of Aldéric Vernier (title pending), and one more, depending upon where my inspiration takes me. 

I thought about making this blog new year's-y, maybe motivational, intriguing, or something new or thrilling to fit the new year. However, there’s something else that has been on my mind for a while that I wanted to sit and ruminate about with you, and it has been simultaneously stumping me and riveting me. And it’s the idea of listening. 

I know, I know. I can hear your eyes rolling from here, so let me clarify that the type of listening that has been puzzling me is the type of listening that requires a bit more involvement and a level of intentionality and intuition than simple listening. Let me explain. 

For example, I love to paint. I'm not a Michelangelo or a Monet, but it’s something that I enjoy very much. When I paint, I often feel like the canvas “speaks,” and something about the grains of the canvas, the colors I apply, and the designs I create guide me as I go along. I don’t have control over it. It just happens, and all I do is listen. I wouldn’t know what to paint otherwise, and the paintings I produce when I listen versus when I don’t listen are the difference between slapping paint onto a surface or creating something that has a voice. 

My stories are the same way. I often feel like my stories “speak” to me. The pages, individual words, each chapter, each conjured visual... They all have a voice too. I have often felt like I am simply a mouthpiece of my characters, recording the events of their lives like they have already occurred, like I am simply uncovering the mysteries and surprises along the way just like my readers do. Thus, I would not be able to write if I did not stop and listen. The type of writing I do when I write out of ritual is much different than when I write from inspiration, just like my paintings. 

Maybe my personal examples are little out there, so let me put it this way: have you ever felt the air and knew it was about to rain? Or had a moment of revelation after watching a compelling film? Maybe you’ve walked through an aisle of candles, looking for something specific, and you just knew when you found the scent you were looking for. How did you know? How did you know it was about to rain? How did you know the thought you had from a compelling film was a revelation? How did you know which candle to pick? Did you passively participate in these activities? 

No. You stopped and listened, and that’s how you knew. 

It’s ironic really, because life is often noisy, right? There’s constant sound everywhere. In my house, there’s the sounds of music, the TV, children laughing and arguing, vehicles, weather, the furnace, the sizzling of a pan cooking food, the oven baking bread, a water fountain, a cat meowing. Then, when I leave the house, there are even more sounds. But sounds aren’t just auditory, just as listening isn’t acquired only through hearing. Noisiness can also be the constant thrum of duties, obligations, and commitments that consume our time. That’s why listening isn’t a passive activity. It’s intentional. 

So, this listening concept is nice and dandy and all, but here’s where it perplexes me. I set aside time to listen, and I often feel confident when I “hear” something. Be it a painting idea, a chapter or paragraph in one of my books, a word of encouragement I shared with a friend... I felt like I produced something of substance and lasting value. And the feeling right after feels GOOD! Look! I just created something magnificent! It’s art! It’s incredible! But often times, I step back from these elevated moments, and after a few days, they look dull, and I realize, wow, these moments maybe weren’t as intuitive as I thought. The painting is bland, my writing is a rough draft at best, and whatever I said to my friend, they probably thought, uh, yes, Mariah... yes, how original and enthralling... uh... cough, cough. I should have just asked ChatGPT... Even this very blog post could feel so invigorating as I write it, but I might look back in a week or a month and think, huh, how sad and derivative. 

Why is that? How can we hold something in our hand that speaks to us so deeply and inspires us one moment, and in the next, it falls silent?  

Either I’m hearing things, or maybe, this is only half of the story. 

Let’s walk together in this thought for a moment and consider that maybe as good as that single “aha” moment feels, reflecting on it later and labeling it as “good” or “bad” or “intuitive” or “not intuitive” isn’t the point. I think my dear friend and homeboy Aristotle can help us out here. He states that:  

“One swallow does not make a summer, neither does one fine day; similarly one day or brief time of happiness does not make a person entirely happy.”1 

Don’t get hung up on his word choice of “happiness” (because happiness to him isn’t an emotion but a state of “flourishing”2). In other words, according to Aristotle, our lives aren’t created in isolation. One event doesn’t make us who we are, just like a single moment cannot fairly define us. It is built through a series of events and activities over our entire lifetime. Arguably, it is the same with the interactive activity of listening. Whatever task we are working on won’t end after one word, but rather through a series of words received over time. 

Thus, as deceived as I feel sometimes, I still need to trust myself when I hear something around me speak. Maybe the word I heard is all I needed and all that I could understand at the time. Maybe what I heard will build on something else to propel me toward another destination in the future. Maybe, even when it feels insignificant or inconsequential later, I shouldn’t diminish it because it is all a part of how I got to where I am now. And maybe, it’s okay to go back and question our revelations anyway because introspection is where self-discovery begins. 

In all, I still don’t understand the concept of listening very well and all its wonderful complexities. Yet, because I don’t understand it and because it continues to stump me in unpredictable ways, its very nature is what makes it all the more fun and fascinating. 

So, in turn, I must ask you, my dear reader: what do you hear? What around you speaks to you the most? What speaks to you the loudest? How do you handle the shifting tides of life regarding what you hear, past and present, and how you view those things and their differences? 

Let us walk into this new year full of confidence and curiosity, thankful of where we’ve been and unafraid of where we are going. 

Until next time! 

With love, 

Mariah 

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1Aristotle, W. D. 1877-1971. Ross and Lesley Brown, The Nicomachean Ethics. Oxford ; New York, Oxford University Press, 2009. 

2Kraut, R. Aristotle’s Ethics. Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy, 2022. https://plato.stanford.edu/entries/aristotle-ethics/